Spanked for not doing my exercises

I got a spanking. He used the spanking buddy, which I had just gotten in the mail. He told me what it was for and how I needed to get them done every night as the doctor wants me to do and that it's important to him. He found the spanking buddy "fascinating". He had me take down my pants and underwear and had me lay over the side of the bed over some pillows - he was very concerned about my comfort.

He started out fairly lightly but worked up quickly to pretty hard. He didn't say a word during the whole thing and he concentrated right in the low center section - he has a particular affinity for that area. I had some bruising there the next day, but not much. It was harder for a longer sustained time period than is typical and he was clearly not very impressed by my oohs and ouches, or my raising off the bed. In the past he usually goes MUCH softer when I'd yell out. I recently pointed that out to him and well, he was apparently paying attention during that conversation. I didn't "feel" anything good bad or indifferent with respect to the spanking, more just a ... wow, I'm getting tired, we better get to sex or I'm going to be too tired for that and I really wanted sex - so I jumped him just about as soon as we were done.

Kelly

Is spanking relevant?

I figured I wanted to have this blog to have a place to help me process all things DD, also as a place to record DD related things so that in the future I could look back and see how things have changed or stayed the same as the case may be - but I really haven't been doing that, so I'm going to do that now.

Poor Melanie has heard this over and over and over again. I'm not sure why she puts up with me. As I wrote before, my marriage has had a really great year, but I'm left wondering whether or not the actual spanking is remotely relevant. There is no doubt that Dan and I have changed the dynamic within our relationship. He is in charge. This shift has been profound and totally and completely good. But, and here's the thing, I'm not sure if the actual spanking has a darn thing to do with it - other than maybe in a circular kind of way.

So far I have had really no emotional connection to any spankings. There was one time where he spanked for something that I did where I was totally being passive aggressive. But I thought he was spanking for my stress and it was completely not on the radar until literally two seconds before I went over his lap that there was an actual reason and a reason where he was totally right and after that spanking I felt guilty for days. So, that one incident makes me think it's possible for there to be some sort of emotional connection to a spanking. But without that, I'd think that the spanking part, is just a really silly thing we do.

If it turns out that Dan needs the spanking for him to feel completely comfortable being in charge then I will absolutely be okay with keeping the spanking as part of our lives. I really don't mind them at all (well accept while they are actually happening). And in fact, I really love the periodic swats I get here and there throughout the day - they definitely make me feel loved and cared for. But the bare naked, bent over, prolonged spanking..... I just don't know if there's a point.

I've decided to give it a year or so and see what happens. We really are still really new to this and we both have really methodical styles, so the fact that it might take us twice as long as anyone else is really not surprising. So it really could just be that we are still just in the middle of the trying to figure out how to spank and when to spank and for what to spank and the spanking is just too much a thing in the room and not just a means to an end. So I am open to the idea that I will get something from the spanking itself at some point in the future or that Dan gets something from it. But I'm also open to the idea that spanking just might not be relevant for us and it's just the shift in our dynamic that was the important thing for us. We'll just have to wait and see.

Kelly

The best year ever

I've had a really good marriage for a while now. Years before I'd ever heard of DD we had done the work that needed to be done. We'd weathered rough times and come through with a solid and strong marriage full of love, passion, and friendship. We learned how to speak plainly and honestly to each other, even when it's hard; our respect for each other is profound.

In this last year I discovered DD. I brought it to Dan and told him I wanted to add it to our lives. He was wildly skeptical, but as always willing to give me what I want. And the oddest thing has happened.... we've gotten even closer. I can't begin to say how surprised I am. I was inexplicably drawn to DD, and I really didn't know why. Though if I am being honest I think it was as a way to push me to break down the walls I still mostly hide behind, even from Dan. Maybe help me get in touch with my emotional side a bit more.... though I'm quite sure neither of those two things were on my mind at the beginning in any conscious way.

Fairly quickly I worked on changing the dynamic in our lives. Letting him lead, deferring to him whenever possible. And that's that thing that did it. What "it" is, I'm not sure, but whatever it is has been really really good. This shift in the dynamic within our lives has been both very, very subtle and wildly HUGE. We've always had a ton of respect for each which is probably why in a lot of ways the changes have been subtle, but internally - that's been HUGE. I have just relaxed in a way I didn't know I could. I so completely trust him, I know he'll lead us in the right direction. And it's not like I'm suddenly a different person. I'm the same opinionated person I've always been (and that was a big one for Dan), I just choose my battles much more carefully - I don't battle just for the heck of it, just to be right all the time. And you know what... it saves time too, and for a couple who both work full time with two active kids every extra minute is a precious commodity. If he wants to do something a certain way - I am so much more likely now to just say 'okay that sounds great' whether or not I would have chosen a slightly different way. That whole conversation we used to have where we negotiated stupid little things.. we just don't have it any more.

The discipline side of this is still not set, but it's getting there too. He is very comfortable 'telling' me what to do now and 'when' to do something - and he has 'the look' down and the quick swats in the kitchen are plentiful to make his point. We're both not always sure about how and when to spank, but we are getting there.

But the dynamic - that seems fairly well set and.. I don't know.. It's really been just so good. I'm just really surprised about this last year-ish.

Kelly

Bedtime

So remember when I said things wax or wane? We are still waxing here. And doing it on some other plane altogether! I have so much blogging material from the last month I'm completely overwhelmed on where to start. Kelly has maybe even nagged me a little... LOL. Since I've IMed with her through a few of my mental flip outs, she certainly knows I have things to talk about!

It started before I left town for two weeks. He was spanking more and make slight steps in suddenly "owning" his role in our relationship. We've done DD, he believes it works, but lately he's just truly taking ownership of the role and the fact that he LIKES it.

Anyway, so there was an increase in spankings before I left. But while I was gone he couldn't spank me obviously.

I don't know why but he chose my being out of town as the time to start reading on a forum and learning more about DD. His information has always come through me because I'm the one who researches. It felt odd to know he was going to read and form his OWN ideas. Yikes! He joined a chat I was in. He IMed with me a lot (about many things not just DD of course). He gave me the assignment of ordering an American Tawse from the Leather Thorn site. He gave me a bedtime!!

So I'm going to talk mostly about the bedtime. The American Tawse is gonna have to be it's own blog post and it won't even come in the mail until tomorrow. My mental experience of ordering it was interesting.

I have the habit of staying up incredibly late. I often stay up so late, so often, that my eyes start to spasm in this bizarre way until I literally can't keep them open. (I know, I know. Bad.)

So one night while IMing I mention that I'm tired and maybe should go to sleep. Which I shouldn't have done on the heels of telling him about one of my online friends having a bedtime. (Ya. Sometimes I'm so bright, eh?)

Suddenly - at 1 am - I have a 10:30 bedtime to be started the moment I am in my own timezone. All I can think is "NO!!!!" but instead I say, "Okay" and headed off to bed.

When I got home I did as he asked and did not complain. It helped enormously that I was sick the week I got home or I'm certain I'd have dealt with some insomnia. I am quite proud of myself for not complaining. As I got better I was waking up between 4-5 AM everyday and having to force myself back to sleep.

And then a few days ago he says to me "Is 10:30 too early?" and I responded by telling him how early I'd been waking up and he said I could change it to Midnight. Which is perfect for me!

That one was big for me.

1. Having someone else control my bedtime - this whole corner he has turned as made me deal more with my ability to let someone else take control.
2. Not complaining when I thought it was too early!
3. I learned he was paying attention to me and saw when it needed to change. It increases my trust in his ability to take care of me. If I had fought him I wouldn't have gotten to discover that.

And it was a really easy one to show him "See? I listen. This is working!"

So, all-in-all, the bedtime has been successful. Speaking of which - it's almost time!

Oh! And I learned there is a bedtime loophole! If he wants to *play* all bedtimes are null and void! Sheesh! :)

My turn to AAAAAHHHHH

In my stocking this Christmas morning was a three pack of big wooden spoons and a thick wooden spatula. That's four wooden "cooking" utensils. I don't cook.

My 8 year old said... uh mom, it looks like all you got was a bunch of cooking things. I know my face was burning red as Dan stared knowingly at me and told our son "your mom has really taken an interest in 'cooking' this past year. I'm really not sure what I think about this.

An experiment towards letting down the walls

I know I want the emotional release that I believe I will get from a spanking at some point in the future. But before I can get there a bunch of things need to happen. I'm completely confident I don't know what half of them are.

But I think I know a few. Dan needs to own this in a way that is meaningful to me. Right now that's not the case. He owns giving me swats here and there around the house when he wants me to do something or stop doing something and I'm really happy about that. Our spankings though, he doesn't own them yet. He is closer now than he used to be, but they are still not something he owns. He'll do them, but it usually requires a bit of a prompt - like my giving him something DD related to read, or something along those lines. Also, I think the spankings must have some sort of ritual that I fully buy into to help me get into the right mindset so that I am open to the emotions, and really a lot of that will probably come from his ownership, we'll see.

But today's post is about the length and strength of a spanking because another thing that I'm pretty sure I'll need is a spanking that is long and hard enough to allow me the 'time and space' (whatever that means) to let down my guard. Mind you, that could possibly take a few hours, but hopefully not. And so far my spankings have touched on 'hard' but have definitely not been long enough. They are usually about 5 minutes long. If I had to guess, I'd say he watches the clock. He's a scientist so he always has a plan. A friend of mine suggested that I ask Dan to do an experiment - for him to go for 10 minutes with the first half being at a medium intensity and the 2nd half being hard.

He was willing and agreed as long as I promised to tell him if I'd had enough. He always asks me what he should use (this is part of the ownership thing I was talking about) and I thought it would be a good idea to use a new long wooden thingy that someone sent to me when I lost a bet (note to self; this was maybe not the best time to try out a new implement, especially one made of wood). I also always take down my clothes and this time decided to keep my underwear in place. Part of me was hoping he'd take them down as I feel that will do something to me mentally, but I couldn't quite get myself to tell him to do it, so my underwear stayed in place throughout, which added more of a thuddy feeling which I prefer.

It was my intention to try my best to stay in position and just "feel", just absorb the pain. Over I went and he began pretty lightly. We've talked about warming me up, so he's pretty good about that. He watched the clock very closely and gave me progress reports... "you are about 5 minutes in, you doing okay?", that kind of thing. But true to the experiment, once he made it to a medium/hard intensity he stayed there until 5 minutes had passed and then he got harder. I believe he continued slowly getting harder for the next few minutes. The implement in question is pretty long so he was really getting one side more than the other and boy oh boy by the end it was really hurting, but he had done a really good job of building it up slowly. I did a good job of just staying in position and 'taking' it, which was good for me to know I could do. I'm not sure how that might change if I was feeling guilty about something, but still it's good to know I could do it.

The spanking wasn't for anything in particular. He said it was for stress relief and also because I was rude to a man at the mall and I was in fact really stressed and I was in fact rude to the guy at the mall, but I'm often rude to people because I'm just bad with people, which totally bothers me, but this one didn't even make my rude radar. So I wasn't feeling badly about anything. It added to the clinical feel of the experiment we were conducting. By the end, it was really hard to take each swat. I kept thinking, I can't take it, I have to stop, but I'd manage to take the next one until finally, I really couldn't take anymore and I asked him to stop. He said, just a few more and then we will. I was thrilled that he said that - good for him.

I was more bruised than I've ever been at any time in my life. My ass was quite literally black. No other colors, just black. And it hurt the next day, but 2 days later, it hurt so much more. Luckily Dan was away on business so he didn't have to see my butt. I'm really not sure what I or he for that matter learned from this experiment, but it feels like it was a good thing to do. I guess we both know that I can take it much harder then he has been giving it to me, and I think that's a good thing. (I know I will come to regret those words in the future).

Kelly

AHH!

Thomas has added so many "spankable offensives" today (mostly joking). I finally said "What's next? 5 swats for every breath I take?"

He said, "start counting."

See? The waxing & waning. For weeks hardly anything - and now I've had so many quick spankings today I've lost count!