I'm not sure what to do now. I've taken a path to DD land that feels a bit different then many others' I've heard about. I still think it's the right one for us. I've know since day one that it would take us longer to get somewhere with this. I've listened to the advice of friends about really letting him own this on his own time and in his own way... I think I've been doing a very good job at that, but damn it, my patience is running seriously thin. I'm bored with this. I'm tired of waiting for him to take this and do something with it. I'm tired of waiting... period.
The problem, of course, is that there is absolutely nothing I can fault him with. He loves me desperately, he wants to make me happy. He is owning this in his own way on his own time. He's just not there yet. He was happy to be able to spank me over not meeting my exercise goal. It was concrete, he could understand it and do something about it. Unfortunately, I started to really resent doing the exercises to avoid a spanking vs. doing the exercising because I like to do it and it's good for me - I was exercising for the wrong reasons and it just wasn't working mentally for me. So we pretty much took that off the table. So now, who knows when I'll ever be spanked again. It's not that I want to be spanked, so much. It's that I want to know it's an actual option, that it's on the table. That he's paying attention to what I'm doing.
I started this post a couple of weeks ago and now am getting back to it... Wanting to know he's paying attention to me... That seems to be a bigger theme in my marriage at the moment. Dan and I always click, but lately we just haven't been and it really all boils down to him paying attention to me. These last few weeks has made me wonder if this issue hasn't been around longer than I realized and maybe it is behind (on some level) my bringing up DD to him in the first place. Maybe that's what clicked for me. A concrete way for me to know he sees me. And wow, I think we have one of the all time best marriages so even writing that somehow feels... I don't know what - disloyal, wrong (but no, it feels right to say that).. I'm going to have to give this some more thought.
Kelly
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Living up to my end....
I'm struggling with this. I want Dan to step up and be more in charge, but I don't always follow his lead. It's sort of like we are living two different lives and to some degree they are warring against each other. We've spent so many years as two very independent people with very independent lives. We schedule our lives together.. as in literally in Outlook. We both have to have smart phones so we can actually keep track of the calendar. Over the years we have split certain responsiblities based on our relative skill-sets... There has never been a head of our house.... well maybe I was, if push came to shove, though I think I know that to be true more than Dan does.
So what about now? I've asked for DD, he's agreed - but we're both still figuring this out. I think we've figured out the mechanics of a spanking (I don't care that that sounds ridiculous, it's something we needed to do). I think we've even figured out the overall point of DD. But this day to day stuff... that's hard. My back exercises is the perfect example. After working 70-80 hours a week for six weeks I then slipped on the ice twice and the combination of those things threw my back out. I have ongoing back problems that are kept in control by monthly visits to the chiropractor as well as doing my simple back exercises most days. During that busy time at work I had completely gotten out of the habit of doing them.
Once my back got better, Dan told me I needed to do my exercises at least five times per week or I'd be spanked. I've already gotten spanked for this once, but man, I just can't seem to get myself to do them. There's always a reason not to. And the stupid thing is - this is a perfect opportunity for me to show Dan how this works. I know he wants me to do them because they help to keep me pain free and mobile. I want him to be paying attention to my health and safety... this seems like a stupid no brainer. Do the damn exercises and thank my husband for caring so much about me. This is a win win win. He's telling me to do something... I'm following his lead... and duh.. my back stays healthy.
But I can't seem to get myself to do it. And I know I'm sending him mixed messages. The last thing I want him to think is that this is a spanking game to me, but I why would he think anything else at this point. Hell, I don't know what my deal is. It is definitely on my mind that he might spank for this (my not doing them), but I don't think that's my intention.... maybe it is and I'm just in denial... I just don't know.
The point is, though that I don't think I'm living up to my end of the bargain and I think that slows us down (as if we need to be going any slower). The exercises are one example, but there are others. I've never ever done well if someone tells me what to do, my reaction has always been to do the opposite. Perhaps that's what's going on here... I just don't know. I totally think he's living up to his end, and instead of praising him and helping him gain more confidence that these new things he does and says are exactly what I want, I'm pushing against it... why do you think that is?
So what about now? I've asked for DD, he's agreed - but we're both still figuring this out. I think we've figured out the mechanics of a spanking (I don't care that that sounds ridiculous, it's something we needed to do). I think we've even figured out the overall point of DD. But this day to day stuff... that's hard. My back exercises is the perfect example. After working 70-80 hours a week for six weeks I then slipped on the ice twice and the combination of those things threw my back out. I have ongoing back problems that are kept in control by monthly visits to the chiropractor as well as doing my simple back exercises most days. During that busy time at work I had completely gotten out of the habit of doing them.
Once my back got better, Dan told me I needed to do my exercises at least five times per week or I'd be spanked. I've already gotten spanked for this once, but man, I just can't seem to get myself to do them. There's always a reason not to. And the stupid thing is - this is a perfect opportunity for me to show Dan how this works. I know he wants me to do them because they help to keep me pain free and mobile. I want him to be paying attention to my health and safety... this seems like a stupid no brainer. Do the damn exercises and thank my husband for caring so much about me. This is a win win win. He's telling me to do something... I'm following his lead... and duh.. my back stays healthy.
But I can't seem to get myself to do it. And I know I'm sending him mixed messages. The last thing I want him to think is that this is a spanking game to me, but I why would he think anything else at this point. Hell, I don't know what my deal is. It is definitely on my mind that he might spank for this (my not doing them), but I don't think that's my intention.... maybe it is and I'm just in denial... I just don't know.
The point is, though that I don't think I'm living up to my end of the bargain and I think that slows us down (as if we need to be going any slower). The exercises are one example, but there are others. I've never ever done well if someone tells me what to do, my reaction has always been to do the opposite. Perhaps that's what's going on here... I just don't know. I totally think he's living up to his end, and instead of praising him and helping him gain more confidence that these new things he does and says are exactly what I want, I'm pushing against it... why do you think that is?
Friday, March 6, 2009
Maybe this is real
Dan came upstairs to tell me something wonderful he'd done but in so doing he inadvertently pushed one of my big buttons - not feeling listened to. One of our ongoing tensions is when I feel like I ask him a straight forward simple question and he answers what he thinks I should have asked which often has little to do with what I was actually asking - and it makes me crazy. So when I asked him some questions about what he was telling me and he was answering other questions not asked, which led to him totally contradicting himself - it made me crazy. I did manage to not get mad, barely... but I did get quiet and pull into myself. It was clear that I was annoyed. We politely finished the conversation and then he left to go downstairs.
About five minutes later he came storming back upstairs all kinds of mad. He said he'd been down stairs feeling awful and agonizing over our conversation and THAT was bullshit!!! He did not need to be doing that. (it was very hot!) We had a fairly good conversation right then. I very much appreciated him coming up to deal with it. I thought he was going to spank for it, but ultimately he didn't and eventually he left again and I went to bed.
The next day I thought about it for quite some time and sent him an email wanting to talk about how to have handled the night before better. It said in part...
If I ever make you feel as I did, it would make perfect sense to me that you might want to spank me.. A perfect example of a reason, in fact. The fact that, in my opinion last night, your actions contributed to my closing off and only giving you negatives is not really relevant..... So I think my reaction only served to cause tension where there didn't need to be any and that is contrary to the goal of a peaceful and supportive union (for lack of a better description).
.... The idea that I would do anything that would make you feel badly and have you downstairs agonizing over it is "bullshit" to use your word. I think it's a perfect word. That's not the goal of our marriage and I think you were SO very right to have come back up last night and told me so. I don't think I should have been "let off" as easily as you did, though that is who we have been for a very long time..... I'm just thinking now, that I don't think it should be okay for me to act in a way that makes you feel badly, most especially, when all you were doing was coming up and sharing your excitement about something wonderful you were able to do.....
The next night we had a long conversation...he said he really liked the phrase I had written "a peaceful and supportive union." It made sense to him. We went back and forth for some time about different things but kept coming back to that. I pointed out and he readily agreed (almost with a sense of relief) how if we get into that mode of argument or just tension that I am the arguer and he is the retreater. He said how he'd watched his dad retreat for 20 years and picked up those skills. He's quick, he said and I agree, to take on the burden of a disagreement in order to move past it. I told him that was very much my style, everywhere but with him - he laughed at me telling me he didn't think in all the years we've known each other that I had once done that. My feeling were a little hurt by that because it's not true, but the "feeling" of that statement is true, there usually needs to be another reason for me to do that with him. He doesn't feel well for instance or is in the middle of a big stressful deadline.
The really interesting part was that we both got to a place where we agreed that the peace and harmony of us of the marriage of our family - that's the goal of DD. Sure, he could give me a bedtime or make sure I exercise, but the overriding reason for DD is to make our marriage peaceful and our home full of harmony - and the real truth is that, though he's the yeller and I'm not, it's still me who is more likely to do things counter to that peaceful union... retreat, put on a polite attitude, argue, out logic him just to be right. We've done the work for a good marriage, there's no doubt that's true, but I still hold onto my need to be right in the moment far too many times. I can get to a place where I come back and say what needs to be said, but in the mean time we've had tension and what's the point of that. We both know how well we communicate, why waste time and energy being annoyed or full of righteous indignation.
He gave me suggestions for how I could have handled my confusion better.... Just tell me you need a time out, that you're lost... Okay, sure that's one simple way (she says sarcastically). He said that right there in the moment he needs to work on being stronger; strong enough to tell me to stop and strong enough to be willing to ignore my protests. (I loved that he said that). We talked about how in the future he will tell me to stop and not go down that path of annoyance or tension and then I get to choose - and if I choose wrong, which, hey, maybe I will if I'm feeling "right" (said with hands on hips), that he will stop me himself by telling me to bend over. Maybe the most important thing we both agreed on was that with all our years worth of patterns - we're going to screw this up for a while. How the first several times we do this it might not work. I might still be mad, he might still be annoyed, he might feel guilty, whatever... but at some point it'll click and we'll both trust this is a real live option.
He had told me that one of the main reasons he hadn't spanked that night when he stormed back upstairs was because he was mad and afraid of spanking mad. I told him I trusted him not to hurt me (well you know what I mean). The fact that this was a concern for him told me this was "settling" in his brain. That's a concern that most men have at some point - it's perfectly normal to worry and think about that and him thinking about that made me.... happy on some level because it was such a normal reaction.
This whole DD and spanking thing is going to end up being one of those things that was my idea but he ends up more comfortable with. I'm still wildly embarrassed, though I do think that may be lessening some, but he's just ... I don't know... thoughtful about it, processing it... I think he's sort of considering really owning this power (which, sure scares the bejeezes out of me).. but for all the doubts I've been having about this or that (spanking specifically) I'm telling you (ok I'm telling me) that him having the power to shut me down if I need to be shut down can only be a good thing in our marriage and I think the "stick" of the spanking will, in fact be important to this whole thing, maybe more for him than me, but I'm not sure that's true.... (I may deny writing this later)
Kelly
About five minutes later he came storming back upstairs all kinds of mad. He said he'd been down stairs feeling awful and agonizing over our conversation and THAT was bullshit!!! He did not need to be doing that. (it was very hot!) We had a fairly good conversation right then. I very much appreciated him coming up to deal with it. I thought he was going to spank for it, but ultimately he didn't and eventually he left again and I went to bed.
The next day I thought about it for quite some time and sent him an email wanting to talk about how to have handled the night before better. It said in part...
If I ever make you feel as I did, it would make perfect sense to me that you might want to spank me.. A perfect example of a reason, in fact. The fact that, in my opinion last night, your actions contributed to my closing off and only giving you negatives is not really relevant..... So I think my reaction only served to cause tension where there didn't need to be any and that is contrary to the goal of a peaceful and supportive union (for lack of a better description).
.... The idea that I would do anything that would make you feel badly and have you downstairs agonizing over it is "bullshit" to use your word. I think it's a perfect word. That's not the goal of our marriage and I think you were SO very right to have come back up last night and told me so. I don't think I should have been "let off" as easily as you did, though that is who we have been for a very long time..... I'm just thinking now, that I don't think it should be okay for me to act in a way that makes you feel badly, most especially, when all you were doing was coming up and sharing your excitement about something wonderful you were able to do.....
The next night we had a long conversation...he said he really liked the phrase I had written "a peaceful and supportive union." It made sense to him. We went back and forth for some time about different things but kept coming back to that. I pointed out and he readily agreed (almost with a sense of relief) how if we get into that mode of argument or just tension that I am the arguer and he is the retreater. He said how he'd watched his dad retreat for 20 years and picked up those skills. He's quick, he said and I agree, to take on the burden of a disagreement in order to move past it. I told him that was very much my style, everywhere but with him - he laughed at me telling me he didn't think in all the years we've known each other that I had once done that. My feeling were a little hurt by that because it's not true, but the "feeling" of that statement is true, there usually needs to be another reason for me to do that with him. He doesn't feel well for instance or is in the middle of a big stressful deadline.
The really interesting part was that we both got to a place where we agreed that the peace and harmony of us of the marriage of our family - that's the goal of DD. Sure, he could give me a bedtime or make sure I exercise, but the overriding reason for DD is to make our marriage peaceful and our home full of harmony - and the real truth is that, though he's the yeller and I'm not, it's still me who is more likely to do things counter to that peaceful union... retreat, put on a polite attitude, argue, out logic him just to be right. We've done the work for a good marriage, there's no doubt that's true, but I still hold onto my need to be right in the moment far too many times. I can get to a place where I come back and say what needs to be said, but in the mean time we've had tension and what's the point of that. We both know how well we communicate, why waste time and energy being annoyed or full of righteous indignation.
He gave me suggestions for how I could have handled my confusion better.... Just tell me you need a time out, that you're lost... Okay, sure that's one simple way (she says sarcastically). He said that right there in the moment he needs to work on being stronger; strong enough to tell me to stop and strong enough to be willing to ignore my protests. (I loved that he said that). We talked about how in the future he will tell me to stop and not go down that path of annoyance or tension and then I get to choose - and if I choose wrong, which, hey, maybe I will if I'm feeling "right" (said with hands on hips), that he will stop me himself by telling me to bend over. Maybe the most important thing we both agreed on was that with all our years worth of patterns - we're going to screw this up for a while. How the first several times we do this it might not work. I might still be mad, he might still be annoyed, he might feel guilty, whatever... but at some point it'll click and we'll both trust this is a real live option.
He had told me that one of the main reasons he hadn't spanked that night when he stormed back upstairs was because he was mad and afraid of spanking mad. I told him I trusted him not to hurt me (well you know what I mean). The fact that this was a concern for him told me this was "settling" in his brain. That's a concern that most men have at some point - it's perfectly normal to worry and think about that and him thinking about that made me.... happy on some level because it was such a normal reaction.
This whole DD and spanking thing is going to end up being one of those things that was my idea but he ends up more comfortable with. I'm still wildly embarrassed, though I do think that may be lessening some, but he's just ... I don't know... thoughtful about it, processing it... I think he's sort of considering really owning this power (which, sure scares the bejeezes out of me).. but for all the doubts I've been having about this or that (spanking specifically) I'm telling you (ok I'm telling me) that him having the power to shut me down if I need to be shut down can only be a good thing in our marriage and I think the "stick" of the spanking will, in fact be important to this whole thing, maybe more for him than me, but I'm not sure that's true.... (I may deny writing this later)
Kelly
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Spanked for not doing my exercises
I got a spanking. He used the spanking buddy, which I had just gotten in the mail. He told me what it was for and how I needed to get them done every night as the doctor wants me to do and that it's important to him. He found the spanking buddy "fascinating". He had me take down my pants and underwear and had me lay over the side of the bed over some pillows - he was very concerned about my comfort.
He started out fairly lightly but worked up quickly to pretty hard. He didn't say a word during the whole thing and he concentrated right in the low center section - he has a particular affinity for that area. I had some bruising there the next day, but not much. It was harder for a longer sustained time period than is typical and he was clearly not very impressed by my oohs and ouches, or my raising off the bed. In the past he usually goes MUCH softer when I'd yell out. I recently pointed that out to him and well, he was apparently paying attention during that conversation. I didn't "feel" anything good bad or indifferent with respect to the spanking, more just a ... wow, I'm getting tired, we better get to sex or I'm going to be too tired for that and I really wanted sex - so I jumped him just about as soon as we were done.
Kelly
He started out fairly lightly but worked up quickly to pretty hard. He didn't say a word during the whole thing and he concentrated right in the low center section - he has a particular affinity for that area. I had some bruising there the next day, but not much. It was harder for a longer sustained time period than is typical and he was clearly not very impressed by my oohs and ouches, or my raising off the bed. In the past he usually goes MUCH softer when I'd yell out. I recently pointed that out to him and well, he was apparently paying attention during that conversation. I didn't "feel" anything good bad or indifferent with respect to the spanking, more just a ... wow, I'm getting tired, we better get to sex or I'm going to be too tired for that and I really wanted sex - so I jumped him just about as soon as we were done.
Kelly
Is spanking relevant?
I figured I wanted to have this blog to have a place to help me process all things DD, also as a place to record DD related things so that in the future I could look back and see how things have changed or stayed the same as the case may be - but I really haven't been doing that, so I'm going to do that now.
Poor Melanie has heard this over and over and over again. I'm not sure why she puts up with me. As I wrote before, my marriage has had a really great year, but I'm left wondering whether or not the actual spanking is remotely relevant. There is no doubt that Dan and I have changed the dynamic within our relationship. He is in charge. This shift has been profound and totally and completely good. But, and here's the thing, I'm not sure if the actual spanking has a darn thing to do with it - other than maybe in a circular kind of way.
So far I have had really no emotional connection to any spankings. There was one time where he spanked for something that I did where I was totally being passive aggressive. But I thought he was spanking for my stress and it was completely not on the radar until literally two seconds before I went over his lap that there was an actual reason and a reason where he was totally right and after that spanking I felt guilty for days. So, that one incident makes me think it's possible for there to be some sort of emotional connection to a spanking. But without that, I'd think that the spanking part, is just a really silly thing we do.
If it turns out that Dan needs the spanking for him to feel completely comfortable being in charge then I will absolutely be okay with keeping the spanking as part of our lives. I really don't mind them at all (well accept while they are actually happening). And in fact, I really love the periodic swats I get here and there throughout the day - they definitely make me feel loved and cared for. But the bare naked, bent over, prolonged spanking..... I just don't know if there's a point.
I've decided to give it a year or so and see what happens. We really are still really new to this and we both have really methodical styles, so the fact that it might take us twice as long as anyone else is really not surprising. So it really could just be that we are still just in the middle of the trying to figure out how to spank and when to spank and for what to spank and the spanking is just too much a thing in the room and not just a means to an end. So I am open to the idea that I will get something from the spanking itself at some point in the future or that Dan gets something from it. But I'm also open to the idea that spanking just might not be relevant for us and it's just the shift in our dynamic that was the important thing for us. We'll just have to wait and see.
Kelly
Poor Melanie has heard this over and over and over again. I'm not sure why she puts up with me. As I wrote before, my marriage has had a really great year, but I'm left wondering whether or not the actual spanking is remotely relevant. There is no doubt that Dan and I have changed the dynamic within our relationship. He is in charge. This shift has been profound and totally and completely good. But, and here's the thing, I'm not sure if the actual spanking has a darn thing to do with it - other than maybe in a circular kind of way.
So far I have had really no emotional connection to any spankings. There was one time where he spanked for something that I did where I was totally being passive aggressive. But I thought he was spanking for my stress and it was completely not on the radar until literally two seconds before I went over his lap that there was an actual reason and a reason where he was totally right and after that spanking I felt guilty for days. So, that one incident makes me think it's possible for there to be some sort of emotional connection to a spanking. But without that, I'd think that the spanking part, is just a really silly thing we do.
If it turns out that Dan needs the spanking for him to feel completely comfortable being in charge then I will absolutely be okay with keeping the spanking as part of our lives. I really don't mind them at all (well accept while they are actually happening). And in fact, I really love the periodic swats I get here and there throughout the day - they definitely make me feel loved and cared for. But the bare naked, bent over, prolonged spanking..... I just don't know if there's a point.
I've decided to give it a year or so and see what happens. We really are still really new to this and we both have really methodical styles, so the fact that it might take us twice as long as anyone else is really not surprising. So it really could just be that we are still just in the middle of the trying to figure out how to spank and when to spank and for what to spank and the spanking is just too much a thing in the room and not just a means to an end. So I am open to the idea that I will get something from the spanking itself at some point in the future or that Dan gets something from it. But I'm also open to the idea that spanking just might not be relevant for us and it's just the shift in our dynamic that was the important thing for us. We'll just have to wait and see.
Kelly
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The best year ever
I've had a really good marriage for a while now. Years before I'd ever heard of DD we had done the work that needed to be done. We'd weathered rough times and come through with a solid and strong marriage full of love, passion, and friendship. We learned how to speak plainly and honestly to each other, even when it's hard; our respect for each other is profound.
In this last year I discovered DD. I brought it to Dan and told him I wanted to add it to our lives. He was wildly skeptical, but as always willing to give me what I want. And the oddest thing has happened.... we've gotten even closer. I can't begin to say how surprised I am. I was inexplicably drawn to DD, and I really didn't know why. Though if I am being honest I think it was as a way to push me to break down the walls I still mostly hide behind, even from Dan. Maybe help me get in touch with my emotional side a bit more.... though I'm quite sure neither of those two things were on my mind at the beginning in any conscious way.
Fairly quickly I worked on changing the dynamic in our lives. Letting him lead, deferring to him whenever possible. And that's that thing that did it. What "it" is, I'm not sure, but whatever it is has been really really good. This shift in the dynamic within our lives has been both very, very subtle and wildly HUGE. We've always had a ton of respect for each which is probably why in a lot of ways the changes have been subtle, but internally - that's been HUGE. I have just relaxed in a way I didn't know I could. I so completely trust him, I know he'll lead us in the right direction. And it's not like I'm suddenly a different person. I'm the same opinionated person I've always been (and that was a big one for Dan), I just choose my battles much more carefully - I don't battle just for the heck of it, just to be right all the time. And you know what... it saves time too, and for a couple who both work full time with two active kids every extra minute is a precious commodity. If he wants to do something a certain way - I am so much more likely now to just say 'okay that sounds great' whether or not I would have chosen a slightly different way. That whole conversation we used to have where we negotiated stupid little things.. we just don't have it any more.
The discipline side of this is still not set, but it's getting there too. He is very comfortable 'telling' me what to do now and 'when' to do something - and he has 'the look' down and the quick swats in the kitchen are plentiful to make his point. We're both not always sure about how and when to spank, but we are getting there.
But the dynamic - that seems fairly well set and.. I don't know.. It's really been just so good. I'm just really surprised about this last year-ish.
Kelly
In this last year I discovered DD. I brought it to Dan and told him I wanted to add it to our lives. He was wildly skeptical, but as always willing to give me what I want. And the oddest thing has happened.... we've gotten even closer. I can't begin to say how surprised I am. I was inexplicably drawn to DD, and I really didn't know why. Though if I am being honest I think it was as a way to push me to break down the walls I still mostly hide behind, even from Dan. Maybe help me get in touch with my emotional side a bit more.... though I'm quite sure neither of those two things were on my mind at the beginning in any conscious way.
Fairly quickly I worked on changing the dynamic in our lives. Letting him lead, deferring to him whenever possible. And that's that thing that did it. What "it" is, I'm not sure, but whatever it is has been really really good. This shift in the dynamic within our lives has been both very, very subtle and wildly HUGE. We've always had a ton of respect for each which is probably why in a lot of ways the changes have been subtle, but internally - that's been HUGE. I have just relaxed in a way I didn't know I could. I so completely trust him, I know he'll lead us in the right direction. And it's not like I'm suddenly a different person. I'm the same opinionated person I've always been (and that was a big one for Dan), I just choose my battles much more carefully - I don't battle just for the heck of it, just to be right all the time. And you know what... it saves time too, and for a couple who both work full time with two active kids every extra minute is a precious commodity. If he wants to do something a certain way - I am so much more likely now to just say 'okay that sounds great' whether or not I would have chosen a slightly different way. That whole conversation we used to have where we negotiated stupid little things.. we just don't have it any more.
The discipline side of this is still not set, but it's getting there too. He is very comfortable 'telling' me what to do now and 'when' to do something - and he has 'the look' down and the quick swats in the kitchen are plentiful to make his point. We're both not always sure about how and when to spank, but we are getting there.
But the dynamic - that seems fairly well set and.. I don't know.. It's really been just so good. I'm just really surprised about this last year-ish.
Kelly
Monday, January 19, 2009
Bedtime
So remember when I said things wax or wane? We are still waxing here. And doing it on some other plane altogether! I have so much blogging material from the last month I'm completely overwhelmed on where to start. Kelly has maybe even nagged me a little... LOL. Since I've IMed with her through a few of my mental flip outs, she certainly knows I have things to talk about!
It started before I left town for two weeks. He was spanking more and make slight steps in suddenly "owning" his role in our relationship. We've done DD, he believes it works, but lately he's just truly taking ownership of the role and the fact that he LIKES it.
Anyway, so there was an increase in spankings before I left. But while I was gone he couldn't spank me obviously.
I don't know why but he chose my being out of town as the time to start reading on a forum and learning more about DD. His information has always come through me because I'm the one who researches. It felt odd to know he was going to read and form his OWN ideas. Yikes! He joined a chat I was in. He IMed with me a lot (about many things not just DD of course). He gave me the assignment of ordering an American Tawse from the Leather Thorn site. He gave me a bedtime!!
So I'm going to talk mostly about the bedtime. The American Tawse is gonna have to be it's own blog post and it won't even come in the mail until tomorrow. My mental experience of ordering it was interesting.
I have the habit of staying up incredibly late. I often stay up so late, so often, that my eyes start to spasm in this bizarre way until I literally can't keep them open. (I know, I know. Bad.)
So one night while IMing I mention that I'm tired and maybe should go to sleep. Which I shouldn't have done on the heels of telling him about one of my online friends having a bedtime. (Ya. Sometimes I'm so bright, eh?)
Suddenly - at 1 am - I have a 10:30 bedtime to be started the moment I am in my own timezone. All I can think is "NO!!!!" but instead I say, "Okay" and headed off to bed.
When I got home I did as he asked and did not complain. It helped enormously that I was sick the week I got home or I'm certain I'd have dealt with some insomnia. I am quite proud of myself for not complaining. As I got better I was waking up between 4-5 AM everyday and having to force myself back to sleep.
And then a few days ago he says to me "Is 10:30 too early?" and I responded by telling him how early I'd been waking up and he said I could change it to Midnight. Which is perfect for me!
That one was big for me.
So, all-in-all, the bedtime has been successful. Speaking of which - it's almost time!
Oh! And I learned there is a bedtime loophole! If he wants to *play* all bedtimes are null and void! Sheesh! :)
It started before I left town for two weeks. He was spanking more and make slight steps in suddenly "owning" his role in our relationship. We've done DD, he believes it works, but lately he's just truly taking ownership of the role and the fact that he LIKES it.
Anyway, so there was an increase in spankings before I left. But while I was gone he couldn't spank me obviously.
I don't know why but he chose my being out of town as the time to start reading on a forum and learning more about DD. His information has always come through me because I'm the one who researches. It felt odd to know he was going to read and form his OWN ideas. Yikes! He joined a chat I was in. He IMed with me a lot (about many things not just DD of course). He gave me the assignment of ordering an American Tawse from the Leather Thorn site. He gave me a bedtime!!
So I'm going to talk mostly about the bedtime. The American Tawse is gonna have to be it's own blog post and it won't even come in the mail until tomorrow. My mental experience of ordering it was interesting.
I have the habit of staying up incredibly late. I often stay up so late, so often, that my eyes start to spasm in this bizarre way until I literally can't keep them open. (I know, I know. Bad.)
So one night while IMing I mention that I'm tired and maybe should go to sleep. Which I shouldn't have done on the heels of telling him about one of my online friends having a bedtime. (Ya. Sometimes I'm so bright, eh?)
Suddenly - at 1 am - I have a 10:30 bedtime to be started the moment I am in my own timezone. All I can think is "NO!!!!" but instead I say, "Okay" and headed off to bed.
When I got home I did as he asked and did not complain. It helped enormously that I was sick the week I got home or I'm certain I'd have dealt with some insomnia. I am quite proud of myself for not complaining. As I got better I was waking up between 4-5 AM everyday and having to force myself back to sleep.
And then a few days ago he says to me "Is 10:30 too early?" and I responded by telling him how early I'd been waking up and he said I could change it to Midnight. Which is perfect for me!
That one was big for me.
- Having someone else control my bedtime - this whole corner he has turned as made me deal more with my ability to let someone else take control.
- Not complaining when I thought it was too early!
- I learned he was paying attention to me and saw when it needed to change. It increases my trust in his ability to take care of me. If I had fought him I wouldn't have gotten to discover that.
So, all-in-all, the bedtime has been successful. Speaking of which - it's almost time!
Oh! And I learned there is a bedtime loophole! If he wants to *play* all bedtimes are null and void! Sheesh! :)
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