I'm struggling with this. I want Dan to step up and be more in charge, but I don't always follow his lead. It's sort of like we are living two different lives and to some degree they are warring against each other. We've spent so many years as two very independent people with very independent lives. We schedule our lives together.. as in literally in Outlook. We both have to have smart phones so we can actually keep track of the calendar. Over the years we have split certain responsiblities based on our relative skill-sets... There has never been a head of our house.... well maybe I was, if push came to shove, though I think I know that to be true more than Dan does.
So what about now? I've asked for DD, he's agreed - but we're both still figuring this out. I think we've figured out the mechanics of a spanking (I don't care that that sounds ridiculous, it's something we needed to do). I think we've even figured out the overall point of DD. But this day to day stuff... that's hard. My back exercises is the perfect example. After working 70-80 hours a week for six weeks I then slipped on the ice twice and the combination of those things threw my back out. I have ongoing back problems that are kept in control by monthly visits to the chiropractor as well as doing my simple back exercises most days. During that busy time at work I had completely gotten out of the habit of doing them.
Once my back got better, Dan told me I needed to do my exercises at least five times per week or I'd be spanked. I've already gotten spanked for this once, but man, I just can't seem to get myself to do them. There's always a reason not to. And the stupid thing is - this is a perfect opportunity for me to show Dan how this works. I know he wants me to do them because they help to keep me pain free and mobile. I want him to be paying attention to my health and safety... this seems like a stupid no brainer. Do the damn exercises and thank my husband for caring so much about me. This is a win win win. He's telling me to do something... I'm following his lead... and duh.. my back stays healthy.
But I can't seem to get myself to do it. And I know I'm sending him mixed messages. The last thing I want him to think is that this is a spanking game to me, but I why would he think anything else at this point. Hell, I don't know what my deal is. It is definitely on my mind that he might spank for this (my not doing them), but I don't think that's my intention.... maybe it is and I'm just in denial... I just don't know.
The point is, though that I don't think I'm living up to my end of the bargain and I think that slows us down (as if we need to be going any slower). The exercises are one example, but there are others. I've never ever done well if someone tells me what to do, my reaction has always been to do the opposite. Perhaps that's what's going on here... I just don't know. I totally think he's living up to his end, and instead of praising him and helping him gain more confidence that these new things he does and says are exactly what I want, I'm pushing against it... why do you think that is?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Found your blog thanks to Bonnie... and have enjoyed reading it. It's well written and very honest.
As for your question here... we'll, you've been doing things your way for the better part of 25 years. It's not only a habit, but it is your lifestyle. DD isn't a switch you can just turn on. There is going to be a struggle... and that's why you push against it.
We've dealt with, and still deal with, the same issues here. The idea of a spanking relationship sounds great. But the reality is... when it pushes up against something you don't really want to do (even if it's good for you)... it's going to create conflict.
You can work past that though. It's a process... and it takes lots of communication. Takes a spanker that will firmly hold onto the larger picture, and not get sucked into the emotions of the moment. Have to realize though... he's got a lifestyle he's used to too, and that hasn't included confronting you over a misdeed and then spanking you for it.
There are going to be bumps in the road, no doubt about it. One thing we did that helped was... set aside a time specifically for DD. A once a week chance to cover what may have been missed in the pervious week. It was at this time that something like doing back exercises would come up.
That weekly accountability helped stop the longer lulls that were occurring. Didn't always mean a spanking took place. Sometimes it was just a talk that gave us a new focus for the coming week.
Do hope you keep blogging... we'd like to hear how things are going,
:)
Todd and Suzy
I, too, just found your blog and really admire you both (all 4 of you) for the honesty and effort you put into DD. Like you, we found some things easier than others, but the resulting closeness is well worth the struggle! I hope you both continue blogging and (by the way) I love the title of your blog! Finding the strength in submission has been a major wake-up moment for me! Meow
Post a Comment