That intangible connection

Dan and I get along so wonderfully well - it's just easy. We truly like each other. That said we'd been distant from each other. Life just got in the way. He had a heavy travel schedule for work, the kids were running us in opposite directions, then a project he works on got some bad reviews and even though he had no control whatsoever on the parts that people didn't like he took it very personally and sort of retreated into himself. I knew he needed the space and I did my best to give it to him, but still... we weren't a unit - we were two people living in the same house getting done what needed to get done.

I was lonely. I was missing him. It effected both of us. We just weren't us, we weren't fighting exactly, but we were distant and separate. It had been gradual, but it was there and it just didn't feel good - we just weren't connected anymore. We were still going through motions, but we were laughing a lot less and smiling less and just... life wasn't as rich.

The tension was getting to me and I did some things I wasn't proud of and ultimately confessed to him via email. I chose email because I knew that would give him the time and space he'd need to digest what I was telling him and for him to decide how to deal with it. The odd thing for me was that just hitting send on the email made me feel closer to him, almost like the world was falling back into place.

The next night he spanked. Hard. I could go into the spanking, but I won't - the point here is - since he's spanked - really since he got home and we were both awake the next day even before he spanked - we've been connected again. We've been laughing and joking and easy again. I don't know what it is exactly. Is it that I had to be honest and vulnerable to confess my sins? or to lay there and be spanked? Or is it just that we were paying attention to each other again... me to what I did and how it effected him and him to dealing with me and letting me know he wasn't happy with what I did. I really don't know - but what I do know is that we are back to being us again. The laughter is back, the comfort is back, the easy is back, we are back.

I think maybe that a spanking; both the giving of it and the receiving of it is an intimate act that forces you both to be totally focused on each other and maybe it's that focus that solidified our being back. If I have to deal with a week of sitting a bit uncomfortably and some serious bruises - well that is a really such a small price to pay for such a big and valuable thing. I love my husband.

Kelly