There are two things I need from my husband.
1. I need him to be my rock. I need to be able to lean on him, to rail against him, to push with all my might – and I need to him to be immovable in his care and affection of me. Immovable.
2. I need him to be the soft place I land when I fall – my safe place in this world.
Is it fair for me to ask both these things of him?
I ask these things with the understanding that he’s human – he will not always come through for me. But I need him to try with unwavering commitment.
We’ve had several conversations about how he struggles with balancing in these things – or at the very least understanding how they can coexist. 
I really feel like they are two sides of the same coin. If he is all of the first things to me – my immovable rock, then – and only then – can I trust him to be my safe, soft place.
A phrase is coming to mind I can’t quite bring up – something about velvet steel. It’s an accurate image in my head but I can’t think of the phrase.
I hate having DD compared to parenting but there just are some comparisons to be made. I am those two things to my child. I am the boundaries she needs, her guide through everything, and I am the place she runs when she needs comfort.
I want those things from my husband. I think from our conversation today he understands now what I mean but…
Is it fair? Am I wrong to ask this of him?
3 comments:
I think it's both fair and right in a DD relationship. And it may just be that, from his perspective, you're expected to provide things that appear contradictory as well:
1) respect and obedience - doing what he says because you love, respect, and trust him
2) input - in the form of opinion when things are not black and white, and in the form of guidance when you may have more 'expertise' in a particular
area. He may have final say, but he's depending upon you to provide valuable input.
When to choose which may be just as difficult as what he needs to balance. I think both people in a DD relationship have a lot of balancing to do.
I'm not sure how much what I said might apply to you, so "just my two cents".
P - it does apply and a great point I think. I hadn't really thought about how I have to balance those things - and it's none too easy sometimes! Especially when we're in a situation where I need to take the lead for a minute - it's harder to stay respectful/submissive in those situations.
Thanks for you cents! ;) I'm going to talk to him about it. Good talking point for our continuing conversation.
I think that's great too P. I definitely need to give that some more thought. What are the things that I need to balance vs. what are the things he needs to balance.
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