I got a spanking. He used the spanking buddy, which I had just gotten in the mail. He told me what it was for and how I needed to get them done every night as the doctor wants me to do and that it's important to him. He found the spanking buddy "fascinating". He had me take down my pants and underwear and had me lay over the side of the bed over some pillows - he was very concerned about my comfort.
He started out fairly lightly but worked up quickly to pretty hard. He didn't say a word during the whole thing and he concentrated right in the low center section - he has a particular affinity for that area. I had some bruising there the next day, but not much. It was harder for a longer sustained time period than is typical and he was clearly not very impressed by my oohs and ouches, or my raising off the bed. In the past he usually goes MUCH softer when I'd yell out. I recently pointed that out to him and well, he was apparently paying attention during that conversation. I didn't "feel" anything good bad or indifferent with respect to the spanking, more just a ... wow, I'm getting tired, we better get to sex or I'm going to be too tired for that and I really wanted sex - so I jumped him just about as soon as we were done.
Kelly
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Is spanking relevant?
I figured I wanted to have this blog to have a place to help me process all things DD, also as a place to record DD related things so that in the future I could look back and see how things have changed or stayed the same as the case may be - but I really haven't been doing that, so I'm going to do that now.
Poor Melanie has heard this over and over and over again. I'm not sure why she puts up with me. As I wrote before, my marriage has had a really great year, but I'm left wondering whether or not the actual spanking is remotely relevant. There is no doubt that Dan and I have changed the dynamic within our relationship. He is in charge. This shift has been profound and totally and completely good. But, and here's the thing, I'm not sure if the actual spanking has a darn thing to do with it - other than maybe in a circular kind of way.
So far I have had really no emotional connection to any spankings. There was one time where he spanked for something that I did where I was totally being passive aggressive. But I thought he was spanking for my stress and it was completely not on the radar until literally two seconds before I went over his lap that there was an actual reason and a reason where he was totally right and after that spanking I felt guilty for days. So, that one incident makes me think it's possible for there to be some sort of emotional connection to a spanking. But without that, I'd think that the spanking part, is just a really silly thing we do.
If it turns out that Dan needs the spanking for him to feel completely comfortable being in charge then I will absolutely be okay with keeping the spanking as part of our lives. I really don't mind them at all (well accept while they are actually happening). And in fact, I really love the periodic swats I get here and there throughout the day - they definitely make me feel loved and cared for. But the bare naked, bent over, prolonged spanking..... I just don't know if there's a point.
I've decided to give it a year or so and see what happens. We really are still really new to this and we both have really methodical styles, so the fact that it might take us twice as long as anyone else is really not surprising. So it really could just be that we are still just in the middle of the trying to figure out how to spank and when to spank and for what to spank and the spanking is just too much a thing in the room and not just a means to an end. So I am open to the idea that I will get something from the spanking itself at some point in the future or that Dan gets something from it. But I'm also open to the idea that spanking just might not be relevant for us and it's just the shift in our dynamic that was the important thing for us. We'll just have to wait and see.
Kelly
Poor Melanie has heard this over and over and over again. I'm not sure why she puts up with me. As I wrote before, my marriage has had a really great year, but I'm left wondering whether or not the actual spanking is remotely relevant. There is no doubt that Dan and I have changed the dynamic within our relationship. He is in charge. This shift has been profound and totally and completely good. But, and here's the thing, I'm not sure if the actual spanking has a darn thing to do with it - other than maybe in a circular kind of way.
So far I have had really no emotional connection to any spankings. There was one time where he spanked for something that I did where I was totally being passive aggressive. But I thought he was spanking for my stress and it was completely not on the radar until literally two seconds before I went over his lap that there was an actual reason and a reason where he was totally right and after that spanking I felt guilty for days. So, that one incident makes me think it's possible for there to be some sort of emotional connection to a spanking. But without that, I'd think that the spanking part, is just a really silly thing we do.
If it turns out that Dan needs the spanking for him to feel completely comfortable being in charge then I will absolutely be okay with keeping the spanking as part of our lives. I really don't mind them at all (well accept while they are actually happening). And in fact, I really love the periodic swats I get here and there throughout the day - they definitely make me feel loved and cared for. But the bare naked, bent over, prolonged spanking..... I just don't know if there's a point.
I've decided to give it a year or so and see what happens. We really are still really new to this and we both have really methodical styles, so the fact that it might take us twice as long as anyone else is really not surprising. So it really could just be that we are still just in the middle of the trying to figure out how to spank and when to spank and for what to spank and the spanking is just too much a thing in the room and not just a means to an end. So I am open to the idea that I will get something from the spanking itself at some point in the future or that Dan gets something from it. But I'm also open to the idea that spanking just might not be relevant for us and it's just the shift in our dynamic that was the important thing for us. We'll just have to wait and see.
Kelly
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The best year ever
I've had a really good marriage for a while now. Years before I'd ever heard of DD we had done the work that needed to be done. We'd weathered rough times and come through with a solid and strong marriage full of love, passion, and friendship. We learned how to speak plainly and honestly to each other, even when it's hard; our respect for each other is profound.
In this last year I discovered DD. I brought it to Dan and told him I wanted to add it to our lives. He was wildly skeptical, but as always willing to give me what I want. And the oddest thing has happened.... we've gotten even closer. I can't begin to say how surprised I am. I was inexplicably drawn to DD, and I really didn't know why. Though if I am being honest I think it was as a way to push me to break down the walls I still mostly hide behind, even from Dan. Maybe help me get in touch with my emotional side a bit more.... though I'm quite sure neither of those two things were on my mind at the beginning in any conscious way.
Fairly quickly I worked on changing the dynamic in our lives. Letting him lead, deferring to him whenever possible. And that's that thing that did it. What "it" is, I'm not sure, but whatever it is has been really really good. This shift in the dynamic within our lives has been both very, very subtle and wildly HUGE. We've always had a ton of respect for each which is probably why in a lot of ways the changes have been subtle, but internally - that's been HUGE. I have just relaxed in a way I didn't know I could. I so completely trust him, I know he'll lead us in the right direction. And it's not like I'm suddenly a different person. I'm the same opinionated person I've always been (and that was a big one for Dan), I just choose my battles much more carefully - I don't battle just for the heck of it, just to be right all the time. And you know what... it saves time too, and for a couple who both work full time with two active kids every extra minute is a precious commodity. If he wants to do something a certain way - I am so much more likely now to just say 'okay that sounds great' whether or not I would have chosen a slightly different way. That whole conversation we used to have where we negotiated stupid little things.. we just don't have it any more.
The discipline side of this is still not set, but it's getting there too. He is very comfortable 'telling' me what to do now and 'when' to do something - and he has 'the look' down and the quick swats in the kitchen are plentiful to make his point. We're both not always sure about how and when to spank, but we are getting there.
But the dynamic - that seems fairly well set and.. I don't know.. It's really been just so good. I'm just really surprised about this last year-ish.
Kelly
In this last year I discovered DD. I brought it to Dan and told him I wanted to add it to our lives. He was wildly skeptical, but as always willing to give me what I want. And the oddest thing has happened.... we've gotten even closer. I can't begin to say how surprised I am. I was inexplicably drawn to DD, and I really didn't know why. Though if I am being honest I think it was as a way to push me to break down the walls I still mostly hide behind, even from Dan. Maybe help me get in touch with my emotional side a bit more.... though I'm quite sure neither of those two things were on my mind at the beginning in any conscious way.
Fairly quickly I worked on changing the dynamic in our lives. Letting him lead, deferring to him whenever possible. And that's that thing that did it. What "it" is, I'm not sure, but whatever it is has been really really good. This shift in the dynamic within our lives has been both very, very subtle and wildly HUGE. We've always had a ton of respect for each which is probably why in a lot of ways the changes have been subtle, but internally - that's been HUGE. I have just relaxed in a way I didn't know I could. I so completely trust him, I know he'll lead us in the right direction. And it's not like I'm suddenly a different person. I'm the same opinionated person I've always been (and that was a big one for Dan), I just choose my battles much more carefully - I don't battle just for the heck of it, just to be right all the time. And you know what... it saves time too, and for a couple who both work full time with two active kids every extra minute is a precious commodity. If he wants to do something a certain way - I am so much more likely now to just say 'okay that sounds great' whether or not I would have chosen a slightly different way. That whole conversation we used to have where we negotiated stupid little things.. we just don't have it any more.
The discipline side of this is still not set, but it's getting there too. He is very comfortable 'telling' me what to do now and 'when' to do something - and he has 'the look' down and the quick swats in the kitchen are plentiful to make his point. We're both not always sure about how and when to spank, but we are getting there.
But the dynamic - that seems fairly well set and.. I don't know.. It's really been just so good. I'm just really surprised about this last year-ish.
Kelly
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