The best year ever

I've had a really good marriage for a while now. Years before I'd ever heard of DD we had done the work that needed to be done. We'd weathered rough times and come through with a solid and strong marriage full of love, passion, and friendship. We learned how to speak plainly and honestly to each other, even when it's hard; our respect for each other is profound.

In this last year I discovered DD. I brought it to Dan and told him I wanted to add it to our lives. He was wildly skeptical, but as always willing to give me what I want. And the oddest thing has happened.... we've gotten even closer. I can't begin to say how surprised I am. I was inexplicably drawn to DD, and I really didn't know why. Though if I am being honest I think it was as a way to push me to break down the walls I still mostly hide behind, even from Dan. Maybe help me get in touch with my emotional side a bit more.... though I'm quite sure neither of those two things were on my mind at the beginning in any conscious way.

Fairly quickly I worked on changing the dynamic in our lives. Letting him lead, deferring to him whenever possible. And that's that thing that did it. What "it" is, I'm not sure, but whatever it is has been really really good. This shift in the dynamic within our lives has been both very, very subtle and wildly HUGE. We've always had a ton of respect for each which is probably why in a lot of ways the changes have been subtle, but internally - that's been HUGE. I have just relaxed in a way I didn't know I could. I so completely trust him, I know he'll lead us in the right direction. And it's not like I'm suddenly a different person. I'm the same opinionated person I've always been (and that was a big one for Dan), I just choose my battles much more carefully - I don't battle just for the heck of it, just to be right all the time. And you know what... it saves time too, and for a couple who both work full time with two active kids every extra minute is a precious commodity. If he wants to do something a certain way - I am so much more likely now to just say 'okay that sounds great' whether or not I would have chosen a slightly different way. That whole conversation we used to have where we negotiated stupid little things.. we just don't have it any more.

The discipline side of this is still not set, but it's getting there too. He is very comfortable 'telling' me what to do now and 'when' to do something - and he has 'the look' down and the quick swats in the kitchen are plentiful to make his point. We're both not always sure about how and when to spank, but we are getting there.

But the dynamic - that seems fairly well set and.. I don't know.. It's really been just so good. I'm just really surprised about this last year-ish.

Kelly