Kelly's introduction

I'm a 42 year old woman; smart and powerful - a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a feminist, a CPA. I’ve been married to Dan, an amazing man for more than fifteen years. We have two children and two dogs. I discovered domestic discipline on the web about nine months ago and wow... click. That was it. A big piece of the puzzle slid perfectly into place. I tried to shake it, deny it could be true, but it's here to stay.

To say this is a surprise to me is an understatement of epic proportion. Most people who know Dan and me would say if asked that I wear the pants in the relationship. This isn’t and has never been the case, I’m just louder. We’ve had what we both consider a true 50/50 relationship. We've laughed at those who think it's not possible. But it takes hard work to keep the balance just so. We both take care of the kids, we both cook, we both work outside of the home, we both clean, we both make decisions, we both have veto power. There are things he does better than I and things I do better than him and we make the most efficient decisions we can about who does what.

Many years ago, we heard someone on the radio talking about the secret to completing household projects successfully is picking a leader. We've always joked that it's really the secret to our happy marriage - can you say holy foreshadowing Batman? We both have strong assertive personalities and discovered pretty quickly that we approach projects in very different ways; which naturally led to some heated ‘discussions’. So, whether assembling a new bike for the kids or painting the living room we pick a leader.

The real key is that once the leader has been picked, they’ve been picked and the other one follows their lead. We’re both extremely capable of just about any household project, we both go into a project with the same goal; the successful completion of it, so we both know going in the outcome will be what we want, so there really is no need to sweat the small stuff. When he’s the leader, I follow his lead completely and when I'm the leader, he follows mine. It took some practice the first few times, but now it’s natural. There’s no fighting, no discourse of any kind and soon enough the project is done and we’ve moved on to the next task.

When I was on the web searching earlier this year. Searching... for something I couldn't define, but something I knew was missing. I found domestic discipline and knew I'd found it. It hit me that I wanted to pick a leader for everything. I wanted him to be the leader of our marriage. We share the same goals for us and our family; to be happy, to be secure, to make each other happy, our little family (not the extended one) is most important. I trust him with my heart and with my life and with my happiness. Neither one of us needs to work so hard to keep the balance in tact; we don't need to sweat the small stuff.

For years, I spent a lot of time and energy making sure no one thought it was okay to tell me what to do; maybe especially him, certainly society as a whole. And together we've spent a lot of energy keeping our balance just right. But really, what was the point? So What. Who cares. No one believed it was true anyway. All that energy we spent for all those years, making sure we stayed true to an equal partnership. I don't think it was wasted, but we sure don't need to keep doing it.

All the fighting I did and the balancing we both did, making sure everyone knows I am strong enough and capable enough to do whatever I want - it never gave me time to relax, to enjoy what I was fighting for. I finally am strong enough. Strong enough to step back. Strong enough to be led.

I’m participating in this blog for me and me alone. To learn more about myself and where I fit in the world. Truly, I'm still a little bit in shock that I really do want this in my life, but I really do.

Kelly