Okay - I'm worth it

So, things are good with Dan and me again. He read my last blog post and that was followed by a back and forth email conversation that lasted late into the night. When all was said and done we're good. The next night he spanked me. It was, I think a general reminder spanking. He used a small leather paddle and then a wooden spatula, both of which were all sting (think 1,000 bee stings). I'm not sure if it was just the surface sting or the serious virgin butt, but I had a really, really hard time taking the spanking. To his serious credit, each time I stood up he just pushed me down and kept going. He told me he wanted me to feel it at least into the next day when he was not going to be home, but unfortunately the stinginess went away pretty quickly.

we talked a lot about spanking and what I want. I don't think we are yet on the same page with that, but I think we're a lot closer than we were. For it to be real and meaningful to me, I think I need it to be about something - I need it to be... I don't know the right word - a corrective action of some sort - closer to discipline than to stress relief. Spanking for the hell of it just doesn't make sense to me. But it's not like I'm this wild out of control crazy woman, so I think Dan has been struggling with the concept of why and when to spank. I believe he would be ready, willing and able to spank me if I were to do something awful; like maybe... I don't know, slap him across the face. But the likelihood that I would actually do that stands somewhere between slim and none.

There are, however, lots of things I do that bug Dan. I can be short and rude with him, I have been known to jump to the wrong and negative conclusions regarding what he says, I can get distant and withdraw into myself. I can be rude to people - particularly if I think they're stupid, I have no interest (read ability) in small talk - with him or anyone else for that matter, I leave the garage door opened - unfortunately the list could go on and on. Ideally for me, he will come up with a few of these things that I do that bother him and make them punishable. Of course, it also makes sense to me that there could be other things that could justify a spanking - a reminder that we are living like this - that he's in charge, because I didn't do something he asked me to, or I'm sure I could come up with many other reasons. Despite all I've written here, though, I don't want to be the one that decides the whys and the whens - I want him to decide - though I'm more than willing to give him as much input as he wants.

Overall, the conversation we had, the spanking he gave me, and the great sex we had afterwards have combined to give us the jump start I think we really needed, and to get us back to clicking on all levels - as he said... click, click, click.

Kelly